Spewing.... so take cover!

Unloading and unleashing.

Yesterday was pure crap! My work day was pretty darn good. Once I picked up my child, it went down hill........ way down hill. The whining started as soon as we got in the car to head home.

I had talked to my husband, and he was going to be home at a reasonable time so I could walk. That's all I asked for...... just 30 minutes of peace & quiet to get a little exercise in and clear my head. That was the plan.

Lil Man and I played outside for an hour when we got home. This normally puts him in a good mood. Normally being the key word. Once the sun started setting, the temperature of course started dropping. Time to head in....... no word from my husband. Whining is becoming more and more pronounced. Temper starts to show..... timeouts ensue. Multiple timeouts.

5:45 rolls around..... The Hubby calls me, "On my way home. Be there in about 7 or 8 minutes."

Then.......

5 minutes later, I get a call from a dispatcher, "Your husband won't be coming home. He's running code." I was hanging on by my finger tips.... I think I got tears in my eyes at this point.

Lil Man decided to start throwing toys. Back to time out. He hits me in the face and out of anger I popped his leg. Yes, I felt like shit once I did but hitting in not acceptable in our house.... yet, I popped him for hitting. Not a very good punishment I know. I think I was in tears again at this point.

Lil Man and I finally get to a good point where he's playing and watching a cartoon he likes so I can cook dinner. Dinner is on the table and some little boy doesn't want to eat because he wants to keep watching TV. Another battle ensues. After much patience, my child finally comes to the table to eat.

And let's not forget this whole time I've got a dog that is wanting to go on his daily walk (and to poop!). Nothing I can do but put him off.

No word from my husband.

OH! Did I fail to mention that a local officer was killed in the line of duty over the weekend? Yeah, keep that in the back of your mind while you haven't heard shit from your husband and it's 1.5 hrs later since you heard from a dispatcher.

Bath time and cuddle time. Lil Man and I are both calming down and getting in to chill mode.

8:50 pm rolls around....... ring ring ring. "I'll be home in 5 mins."

Lil Man and I are cuddling on the couch. My husband walks in, "Here. Let me take him up and I'll put him down."

I'm sorry but from this point I was not a good wife. I was pissed off and just plain angry. Is it really so damn hard to make a phone call, send a message, or hell have dispatch call me again?

The incident was on the local news as to what/where was husband had been. Was I supposed to instantly know this?

My husband is a wonderful husband, father, and officer. But damn, he doesn't do so well when it comes to being a husband while he's on the job at times. Now.... of course there are times when communication is not an option. I understand this. But for the most part, at some point in time.... with technology, some form of communication can take place.

Bottom line..... I went to bed feeling like a crappy mom and bitch of a wife.

I promise to try to be a better wife next time but it's not easy being in the position I'm in at times. And as for a better mom, that's a work in progress at all times too.

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Today, a "Last Call" will go out for the officer killed. If you've ever heard one, you know how it feels and sounds when the officer doesn't answer and is then given "permission" to go home.