Mommy quilt..... does it ever go away?!?! I made the statement to TH the other day, "I feel like LM spends 1/2 his life at my parents'." TH's response, "He does. Your mom keeps the boys. So, of course, he spends a lot of time there." This didn't make me feel better!
My boys, if you don't know this, are 3.5 yrs old and 10 months old. I love, love being with them. But, and it's a big ole but, I also enjoy not being with them too. Let me explain before you decide to take me out back and shoot me.......
One of my most favorite times of the day is picking up the boys from my mom's. Walking in the door and seeing both boys' faces light up.... OH my gosh! Melts my heart. Our normal routine is to come home and play for a little while before I start dinner. I've gotten to the point that I try to have dinner close to being done before I get the boys so I'm not just slaving away in the kitchen all night. I rarely do laundry during the week.... because again, when I'm done with work I want all my time to be devoted to my boys. And when it's Spring/Summer time and we can stay outside all afternoon, that's where you'll find us. My neighbors can attest to this. If it's after 4:30 in the afternoon, you won't reach me by phone. We're outside playing and enjoying ourselves..... I love the time before baths. We go upstairs and play between the two boys' rooms. BB and I usually plant ourselves in his room while LM bounces back and forth between his and BB's. LM gets the job of deciding who's bath their going to take baths in. (It's the small things, people. And that's his "job".) Saturdays and Sundays are my favorite days..... not because I'm not working (which is nice) but because we get those 2 days to spend as a family. Most weekends you'll find us right here at home...... we're not real big on feeling like we have to go go go all weekend. There's plenty of things to do around here.
And now..... the big ole but. I love having time to myself. I cherish the moments that TH and I have by ourselves. But lots of times, I feel guilty. For example, TH and I went to dinner Saturday night with friends. LM pitched a royal fit when we left him with my parents. It didn't help my quilt when my dad told me he cried and carried on for 10/15 minutes after we left. But, as husband & wife, TH and I need those date nights. When we do leave them, I feel the need to kind of rush home after several hours so that they're not away from us longer than necessary. *sigh*
Confession. I've only spent one.... yep, that's right....one! night away since LM has been born. It was a w omen's retreat with our church 2 years ago. TH and I have only been away once since LM has been born. Now, some of this is due to the fact that money has been a little tight the past couple of years. Taking a weekend away would be lovely but not a necessity. And if I were to go somewhere, I don't know how much I'd enjoy it right now anyway.... I'd be leaving my babies. I know some moms/dads/couples who don't think twice about going going going and leaving their kids. That's just not for me! I'm not judging now mind you.... I'm just stating fact when I say some couples see no problem with it. I'm not talking about the occasional weekend away or the occasional girls' weekend. I'm talking every few weeks one of the parents are going somewhere..... almost like tit for tat. Anyway........ back to me.
And as much as I cherish the alone time with my husband, oh my goodness..... I love me some "ME" time. A friend once cracked that every day is a "Me" day for me..... if she only knew. Very, very seldom do I just take off and go do whatever. One.... BB is still small; he's a mama's boy through and through. Two..... TH's work schedule can make this very difficult. If he's had a crazy week and neither the boys nor I have seen him very much, I want to be home with the three of them. The one thing that I'm committed to doing on a monthly basis is Ladies' Night. It's the 1st Thursday of every month. The second thing I'm totally committed to is working out. I want to be healthy..... I want to be able to play & keep up with the boys. So my "Me" time consist of once a month and a regular workout schedule.
I'm sure as the boys get a little older I'll feel different..... but then again, I'm not so sure. I know TH and I have to keep our marriage alive and good b/c one day it will just be the two of us again. The boys will be out of the house and doing their own thing. Good grief.... here I am talking about 20 yrs down the road. BUT, I have learned one very important thing being a mother......
Time flies & cherish today!! No one is guaranteed tomorrow. So, today I'll squeeze my boys a little tighter and see what TH & I can't work out to get a weekend away...... after I get my workout in of course! Ha!
7 years ago
2 comments:
Yeah, I hear you on this...but no, I don't think the guilt ever goes away -- but it can be as present as you want it to be. Like you can have it stress you out, or you can realize that you are leaving your kids with your parents and they are building a great relationship with them while you continue your wife/husband relationship OR you have some time to yourself. Balance is important because otherwise you may go crazy. :)
I think the guilt will always be there, sometimes it's more present in our minds than other times but you know you need that time away to be a better parent in the long run. The relationship you have with your husband and yourself are still important!
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