Prayers, Thoughts, Decisions, and Life

Man oh man..... I feel like life has had me on a roller coaster recently.  And not just me but our family.  I joke with a friend all the time that I thought being a mother was just sitting on the couch drinking a C.oke and eating Bon Bons.  Being a wife should be just as simple too, right?!

Here we are a year later having to decide once again about Lil Man's schooling.  We went in a week ago for his annual review and team meeting.  The meeting was rockin along until the very last.  Then is was WHAM! I felt like I got sucker punched.... not even going to lie.  We found out that LM's school this year was having one of their classes cut due to low numbers.  LM would be attending another school next year.  I was in such shock that I really had no reaction.  Oh! It came though..... the tears started about 15 minutes after the meeting and continued for a good 30 minutes.  TH was all "It's going to be okay."  My response was, "I'm an emotional mommy. Leave me alone." Ha!  I've been on the phone talking to different people.  TH and I have met with a person or two to get their advice.  I've been in a meeting and have more scheduled.  Bottom line is this..... we're praying the right door is opened. Gathering as much information to enable us to make the best decision.  And bouncing thoughts back and forth to make sure we think every possible angle through. 

TH and I also made the decision to put our home back on the market.  Actually, let me rephrase that.  We decided to put our house up for sale.  We will have a home no matter where we are.  A house is just a house.  Truthfully, when we made this decision to do so.... not one tear was shed.  But a meeting involving my child will bring me to tears in no time.  A house is just a thing..... a thing to buy or sale.  TH and I have been having fun looking at houses online and making a list for our realtor to show us.  We want to have an idea or a game plan, if you will, if our house does sale.  The last thing I want to happen is our house sale and having no clue where we want to go.  I mean seriously..... we're a family of 5 (6 if you count the dog!). 

Life has just seemed really hectic lately.  I think we all have moments when we think, "What the hell?! What am I doing?  Can I do this?  Am I being the best wife I can be?  Am I being the kind of mother I should?"  ............

[I had to pause typing to go grab TSD.]

As I sit here with him cuddled on my chest, I know all the craziness is worth it.  I know all the concerns and doubts will work themselves out.  At the end of the day, my concerns really do revolve around being a wife and mother.  I want my husband to be proud of the person he's married to.  I want to know as my boys grow older I'm laying the right foundation.  As I talk about being the "right" kind of mother, I think about how life has been with LM and BB the past month or so.  If those two are around each other, things are rarely peaceful.  I tend to lose my cool.  I'm having to be more careful about not raising my voice (and it's NOT always easy!).  I guess no one said being an adult was easy..... much less being a wife..... or a mother.

Here I am..... praying, thinking, deciding about life.